Posts tagged ‘dating’

Deal Breakers: Putting Up or Giving Up

My friend Sarah (the same Sarah who compared men to nuclear power) has decided that she wants to write romances. Problem?  She’s never really read one.  Apparently, I just make them sound so EPIC that she can’t help herself.  Therefore, for her birthday a month or so ago, I decided to give her something useful: two shining (and randomly chosen) category romances from Walmart.  Now, not having read the books myself, I decided to just pick two that sounded like Sarah-friendly plots: meaning no secret babies or pregnancy scares.  What college aged girl really wants that on her mind before she goes to bed? Shudder. Think of the nightmares!  My picks? Kathy LyonsIn Good Hands (Harlequin Blaze) and Margaret Way‘s Olivia and the Billionaire Cattle King (Harlequin Presents).  How could I say no to those titles?

 

Apparently those hands are Best Ever

Well, she read them over Spring Break and loved them. Of course. Which made me think, “Geez, now I want to read one!”  Thankfully, Sarah is not an only child and knows the fine art of sharing, so this morning, instead of studying, reading the Kubler-Ross book about dying people for class, or being generally productive, I decided that the best course of events was simple: read In Good Hands.

 

Now, I love a nice elevator sex scene as much as the next gal, and Lyons certainly delivers the goods in the book, but I kept thinking as I was reading it: why does hunky, hunky, hunk Roger stick around with the heroine Amber?  Sure, she’s flexible and sexy and I admire her kind-heart and desire to heal people. And, okay, she’s a homeopathic healer and he needs medical help. And, I get that the sex is apparently Best He’s Ever Had, but in order to “heal” his dangerously high blood pressure, she puts him on a “living food diet” meaning this:  “Food that has not been cooked, processed or damaged in anyway…as in fruits, vegetables and nuts.”

Garfield must have dated Amber too!

Okay, see this is where I was like “wait what?”  There are less drastic ways to go about balancing the body than only eating raw foods.  Right? Really, I mean maybe she could have weaned him off of his red meat? But no, she meets him, they have sex in the elevator, go back to her home, and BAM, Amber decrees that he can only eat “living food.”  Her way of the highway.  And Roger agrees to it! My favorite quote of the book,

“Four days later, he was still grinning…Sure, he would kill for something meaty to sink his teeth into… But all in all, the daily sexual adventures were more than making up for the other inconveniences.” (115)

So this got me thinking: how much would I put up with–how may “inconveniences”–for Best Sex Ever?  Let’s disregard the whole, “high blood pressure” aspect of the book.  Would you give up bread, pasta, cooked food, chocolate, cupcakes, beer, vodka, Cheetos, and basically most things yummy for awesome sex?

I was telling my friend Steph about book, and I was like, “I don’t know if I would go that far for someone I had just met, no matter how awesome.”  Apparently, I am in the minority! Steph was like, “Trust me, I’ve put up with a lot for good sex! It’s worth it!”  Then my friend Kim chimes in with, “For the best sex ever? Yeah I would go on a raw diet. Lizzie, it’s the BEST. SEX. EVER.”  Wow. I mean I get putting up with small things: like his annoying habit of cracking his knuckles, his friends who talk and chew at the same time, clipping his toenails on the couch, or even something big like having to call his mother every night at 9:00 regardless of what you are doing! Those, I get.  Sure, they are annoying and some a little creepy/gross, but giving up practically all food? Nope.

The things that come up from romance novels.  Whoever says that they don’t make you think has apparently never read one!  They are filled with Important Life Questions. But what do you think dearest friends? Am I totally delusional or does Roger have the right idea in this romance? Food or sex? Choose wisely!

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March 30, 2011 at 9:51 pm 2 comments

Just dessert, Please! Cupcakes, Cookies, and Men.

My friend–let’s call her Sarah–recently turned to me and said, “Your next post should be about men and how they are like nuclear power–useful but damn hard to get rid of.”  Going by Sarah’s past experiences, I would have to say that the analogy certainly works.  Some of her former boyfriends have been very nuclear.  They start off all great and powerful and well…as she said…useful…but then BAM, something happens–a break-up, a fight, etc–and they become completely unstable.  One guy literally called her every day for a month after they broke up. So, yeah, for Sarah men are like nuclear power.  They are tricky, sensitive, and hard to dispose of properly.

Cupcakes

Sweet, Firty, and Fun--The Cupcake

But I like to take a little more positive view of the opposite sex–if we are the “fairer” does that make them the “fouler”–anyway back on track…to me, men are not like nuclear power: men are like desserts.  Now, get your dirty little mind out of the gutter dearest.  I don’t mean the analogy like that and no jokes about “eating” them.  Seriously.  What I mean is there are a variety of lovely, not so lovely, and slightly odd men out there, just like desserts.

When we were in high school, my friend Gabi and I had a secret code.  When we saw someone we liked, when we met a new guy, when we were attracted to someone, we would rank them by their dessert type.  Over break this winter, Gabi and I sat eating cupcakes at a local bakery.  “So,” she says to me, “any cakes lately? Or cookies?” Laughing, I joke back that actually I had my eye on a really nice organic cookie, filled with wholesome bran and natural sweeteners, but didn’t think it was going to last. Gabi gives me an incredulous look and says, “An organic cookie? As in natural?!?” After all, I am typically a sprinkles kind of gal.

See, some men are cupcakes.  These are the really sweet guys, usually cute, not drop dead handsome, but cute.  The cupcakes are fun, flirty, but stable.  In many ways, a cupcake is the perfect dessert.  It’s not too much to handle, but a right fit.  I love cupcakes.  Some men are cakes.  These are those oh-so-gorgeous men you see on the subway or in your office.  The cakes are great–the epitome of everything you could ever want in a guy–but the cakes can be a bit too much.  A bit overwhelming, and sometimes, a bit too good to be true.  After all, you really can’t keep a cake all to yourself or it goes stale.  And finally, some men are cookies.  They are sweet, nice, good.  These are the guys that are the most stable.  The everyday guys.  I think most people end up with cookies because, really, cookies are easygoing and always around.

So on that winter afternoon, Gabi and I talked organic cookies, about how they were good for you, how they made you feel good about yourself when you had one, how they can be sweet but also really solid and dependable.  We talked about how odd it was for me to be interested in an organic cookie–after all they are close to nature and really quite different from my typical favorites of Heath Bar Cookies or cupcakes.  And while we discussed the pros and cons of these desserts, we were really talking about guys.

Muffins and Men

A bit immature, I know, but when you go to a gossip filled high school consisting of about 60 kids per grade–sometimes, a bit of code is exactly what you need.  Now, when Gabi calls me up, despite being a way out of high school, we have gotten into the habit of talking desserts.  Its a system we both understand.

And one I think Jennifer Crusie understands as well.  In her book Faking It–a hilarious, LOL-worthy contemporary romance–she compares men to muffins and cookies, saying, “Muffins are for the long haul and they always taste good. They don’t have that oh-my-God-I-have-to-have-that thing that the doughnuts have going for them, but you still want them the next morning.”  And I would have to say: Gabi and I certainly agree.  Therefore, in honor of spring break, the lovely Ms. Crusie, and my last post on funny contemp romances–dear friends, pick up Faking It. It’s worth it just for the muffin analogy.

Cupcakes, cookies, cakes–even pies, torts, and bonbons.  Which do you prefer?  Do you have a different classification than me, dearest friend? And remember if you ever hear me talking about a lovely earl grey cupcake:  it may be more than just dessert!

March 16, 2011 at 6:22 pm 6 comments

Dating on Accident: How I tend to date people without knowing.

Laughing over coffee, hashbrowns, and pancakes the size of my head, my brother jokenly said: “Well, when Lizzie gets married it will probably be an accident. ‘Like wait? This is our wedding and not just a wedding?!?'” Then my friend Amanda pipes up with a “It’s true! Didn’t you accidentally go on a date with BLANK last weekend? One day you will realize you two’ve been dating for years!” The entire table starts laughing, as they continue to tease me about something that has plagued my life since puberty: my tendency to not realize date are well…dates.

My Future Life

It’s a problem.  Dating is so much harder in real life than in the movies.  I mean it is not my fault that when a guy friend invites me to dinner, I think, “oh fun, dinner with my friend” and then decide to make it a group thing.  How was I supposed to know that it was a date? Hmmm? Then when I turn up to the apparent date with my bestie in tow–let’s just say, it is pretty freaking awkward.  So after one too many times of accidental dates–you really don’t want to know how many “dates” I have missed–my dating habits have become the running joke among my family and friends.

Yes, my name is Lizzie and I am an accidental dater.  I have accepted my fate.  I am doomed to wander through the dating scene without knowing that a date is more than just some friendly hanging out until it happens.  Sometimes, I long for the good old days when a gentleman suitor would have to ask my father’s permission to court me.  Then I wake up and realize I like having the right to vote, being able to go to college, and the ability to walk around unchaperoned.  If I had to pick? I would so chose my blind, modern dating rituals.

The purpose of all of these ramblings?  In honor of my weekly book suggestion subgenre and my crazy-assed, accidental love life, I am about to start a new book. Barbara Dunlop’s The CEO’s Accidental Bride from Silhouette Desire.  RT BOOKREVIEWS gave it an awesome 4.5 stars, so I am sure it will be great.  Maybe I can pick up some pointers or hints on what to look for before I too find myself in heroine Kaitlin Saville’s position, as The CEO’s Accidental Bride.

March 11, 2011 at 8:50 pm 2 comments


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