Deal Breakers: Putting Up or Giving Up

March 30, 2011 at 9:51 pm 2 comments

My friend Sarah (the same Sarah who compared men to nuclear power) has decided that she wants to write romances. Problem?  She’s never really read one.  Apparently, I just make them sound so EPIC that she can’t help herself.  Therefore, for her birthday a month or so ago, I decided to give her something useful: two shining (and randomly chosen) category romances from Walmart.  Now, not having read the books myself, I decided to just pick two that sounded like Sarah-friendly plots: meaning no secret babies or pregnancy scares.  What college aged girl really wants that on her mind before she goes to bed? Shudder. Think of the nightmares!  My picks? Kathy LyonsIn Good Hands (Harlequin Blaze) and Margaret Way‘s Olivia and the Billionaire Cattle King (Harlequin Presents).  How could I say no to those titles?

 

Apparently those hands are Best Ever

Well, she read them over Spring Break and loved them. Of course. Which made me think, “Geez, now I want to read one!”  Thankfully, Sarah is not an only child and knows the fine art of sharing, so this morning, instead of studying, reading the Kubler-Ross book about dying people for class, or being generally productive, I decided that the best course of events was simple: read In Good Hands.

 

Now, I love a nice elevator sex scene as much as the next gal, and Lyons certainly delivers the goods in the book, but I kept thinking as I was reading it: why does hunky, hunky, hunk Roger stick around with the heroine Amber?  Sure, she’s flexible and sexy and I admire her kind-heart and desire to heal people. And, okay, she’s a homeopathic healer and he needs medical help. And, I get that the sex is apparently Best He’s Ever Had, but in order to “heal” his dangerously high blood pressure, she puts him on a “living food diet” meaning this:  “Food that has not been cooked, processed or damaged in anyway…as in fruits, vegetables and nuts.”

Garfield must have dated Amber too!

Okay, see this is where I was like “wait what?”  There are less drastic ways to go about balancing the body than only eating raw foods.  Right? Really, I mean maybe she could have weaned him off of his red meat? But no, she meets him, they have sex in the elevator, go back to her home, and BAM, Amber decrees that he can only eat “living food.”  Her way of the highway.  And Roger agrees to it! My favorite quote of the book,

“Four days later, he was still grinning…Sure, he would kill for something meaty to sink his teeth into… But all in all, the daily sexual adventures were more than making up for the other inconveniences.” (115)

So this got me thinking: how much would I put up with–how may “inconveniences”–for Best Sex Ever?  Let’s disregard the whole, “high blood pressure” aspect of the book.  Would you give up bread, pasta, cooked food, chocolate, cupcakes, beer, vodka, Cheetos, and basically most things yummy for awesome sex?

I was telling my friend Steph about book, and I was like, “I don’t know if I would go that far for someone I had just met, no matter how awesome.”  Apparently, I am in the minority! Steph was like, “Trust me, I’ve put up with a lot for good sex! It’s worth it!”  Then my friend Kim chimes in with, “For the best sex ever? Yeah I would go on a raw diet. Lizzie, it’s the BEST. SEX. EVER.”  Wow. I mean I get putting up with small things: like his annoying habit of cracking his knuckles, his friends who talk and chew at the same time, clipping his toenails on the couch, or even something big like having to call his mother every night at 9:00 regardless of what you are doing! Those, I get.  Sure, they are annoying and some a little creepy/gross, but giving up practically all food? Nope.

The things that come up from romance novels.  Whoever says that they don’t make you think has apparently never read one!  They are filled with Important Life Questions. But what do you think dearest friends? Am I totally delusional or does Roger have the right idea in this romance? Food or sex? Choose wisely!

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Entry filed under: Ramblings on Romance. Tags: , , , , , , , , , .

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2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Audra  |  April 1, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    I loved this — I’m not a regular romance novel reader but I do enjoy historical ones now and then. I’m an avid fan of Smart Bitches which has really proven to me that the romance genre is not just thought-provoking but also a great barometer for what values are appealing/unappealing.

    All this is is to say that I find the diet change thing so fascinating — and yes, a little too extreme for me! I wonder if that was supposed to be part of her ‘personality’ – another small hurdle for everyone to overcome on their way to true love?

    Reply
    • 2. Lizzie Poteet  |  April 1, 2011 at 10:42 pm

      I hate to admit it it….but I wasn’t able to finish the book! I am sure they did overcome the whole “raw food only” obstacle and find that their love was strong enough to stomach the Alpha Male habits of eating rare foods–like a good steak–but I got so annoyed by all of the meditating, prayerwriting, raw lasagna made of zucchini that I moved on to the historical romance just calling my name. As someone who loves a nice meal, the horror of raw lasagna was too much to handle!

      (p.s. I also love Smart Bitches. Sometimes I like to dramatically read their book aloud in public places to my friends. Who find it embarrassing, but who put up with me anyway!)

      Reply

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